Press Release: Ted Miller on the Prowl

Island Pond, VT - August 21, 2005: One of my brothers is concerned that I haven't written enough about Teddy Miller, the evil constable of greater Island Pond. Here's the lowdown for those not "in the know."

Ted is known throughout northern Vermont for his strict adherence to traffic laws in and around the hamlet of Island Pond, Vermont. He hands out more traffic tickets in this small town (<1000> than the city of Burlington (population 40,000). Ok, I just made that up, but it may be true... you get the point.

In order to avoid the hassle (and cost) of a ticket from Ted we recommend the following actions once you're within 10 miles of Island Pond:

• Come to a complete stop at all stop signs. Count it out - no rolling stops. Story: He pulled my sister over for a rolling stop at 11:30pm on a weekday evening... there wasn't a single car within twenty miles of her. Result: $130 ticket. Ouch!
• Drive below the posted speed limit once in Island Pond proper. in most cases 25 mph is fine, but it may be 20 mph in some spot. Story: I once passed Ted doing 95 mph and he was none too happy with me when he caught up to me just 20 yards from our driveway. Result: $150 ticket. Lesson: If you're gonna drive like an @ss be prepared for the consequences.
• Use turn signals for all turns. No story here, but there are several turns you make on your approach to the Farm - use signals for them all.

I guess that's it. Consider yourself warned.